Top Fives of 2008: Cringe-worthy moments

Oh, Axl.

Words by Erika Bock

A lot of great records came out in 2008, but I always hate doing “top album” lists because…well…I just don’t, OK?

Instead, I thought I’d dig up the top 5 music news stories that made me want to bang my head against the nearest wall repeatedly.

I didn’t include the ass-end of Britney Spears’ mental meltdown (because really, that was just sad and I didn’t really care) or the fact that that “actress” from “The Hills” was allowed to release a “music” single (because really, that was just sad and I didn’t really care), but below you’ll find my top 5 cringe-worthy music moments of 2008. Got any to add? Throw ‘em in the comments section.

5.Kanye slaughters “Love,” forgets his own lyrics on SNL…then claims his performance was “good.”

Kanye does a lot of things well. Singing live is not one of them…nor is being humble. But all told, I’d much rather hear Kanye sound awful of his own accord than pull an Ashlee Simpson(-Wentz)., and you have to give it up to a man who enjoys blogging with the caps lock on.

4. Axl Rose sues the company that gifted us the single joy related to the release of Chinese Democracy: Dr. Pepper.

Axl Rose put out an album that cost ridiculous amounts of time and money to produce only to release it to less-than-stellar reviews. In a way, I guess it’s not totally* his fault, because the build-up was just so intense that it would have needed to be the most perfect collection of songs ever duplicated and unleashed to the masses in the history of the world to have made anyone even remotely happy (DJ Hostettler did a great run-down of the album over on his Vital Source blog, which echoes quite a few of my sentiments on the record verbatim). But here Dr. Pepper decides to do a nice thing and offer anyone and everyone a free soda should Chinese Democracy finally drop in 2008 and Axl (and his team of fancy entertainment lawyers) decides that the best way to handle his album tanking and receiving free, positive promotion from a pop company is to sue the hand that feeds? Axl, you’re a jackass.

3. Creed might reunite and tour in 2009

Seriously? CREED?! I would like to say, “Who EVER listened to this band,” but as the band claims three multi-platinum selling albums, it’s apparent that someone has to be. Who is still listening to this band? And worse, who are these CREED FANS that are willing to un-closet themselves to see this band live?! I’m crossing my fingers than frontman Scott Stapp is too busy assaulting his wife to actually pull the trigger on this one. While I do not condone violence against women ever, there are few things worse than a Creed reunion.

2.DMX gets arrested…again. And again. And again. And…oh, screw it.

DMX’s defense attorney is sure earning his retainer fees this year. With charges ranging from using a false name and social security number to obtain medical services (a dude with numerous gold and platinum albums can’t pay for health care?!) to attempting to buy drugs from an undercover officer (a dude with numerous gold and platinum records can’t send someone in his entourage to buy his drugs for him?!) and animal cruelty (will someone explain to me why fighting dogs is so great?!). All told, the rapper was pinched no less than 5 times in 2008, and often within a span of days.

1.Every time Billy Corgan has opened his mouth (lately).

Billy Corgan has always had a reputation of being a self-loathing whiner (you’ve heard his music, right?) but lately he’s taken this shtick to a whole new stratosphere. The Pumpkins (which at this point includes 50% of its original members) launched a 20th anniversary tour on Halloween (cue the eyeroll right about…now). The New York City dates – Thursday, November 6th and Friday, 7th, respectively – proved problematic for Corgan as he and his back up band stumbled through sets punctuated by poorly executed covers and bouts of Corgan passive-aggressively mocking the audience. The Friday show proved even more pathetic with Corgan totally blowing his cool, as this tidbit from Stereogum would later attest:

“… Billy acknowledged the elephant in the theater by inviting a disgruntled attendee of Thursday night’s show onstage. “Last night’s show fucking sucked,” the kid complained. “We’re all good,” offered Billy, adding this juvenile rejoinder after the fan exited the stage: “By the way, I like that song you wrote — ‘Take Your Dick Out Of My Ass And Stick It In My Mouth.’ It was a big hit in Europe.” Ha ha. Ha? Video of the exchange below…”

Oh Billy, every time you open your mouth, I click my heels together and wish it was 1991 all over again (hell, I’d settle for ’93 or ‘96, or, geez, this point, ’98).

*I’m trying really hard to cut the poor bastard some slack here


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